Monday, January 3, 2011

What lies beneath?

Before proceeding any further in this post, it is important to give a small disclaimer. Basically, I am writing this on the basis of my real life experiences with friends and especially social group members like neighbors and relatives. How your problem is a time pass for them and how eagerly people look forward to what happens next in your life is just similar to how a serial buff looks forward to the next episode; how much your drooping face interests them and how much willing they are to stir up waters to catch some mew ‘masaala’ from your life! Not just some of your relatives but a few neighbors as well fall into this category. I do not mean everyone is like this but most of the people definitely are, and you find more so if you keep your senses open and become a bit more observing.

1.     This happened when my mother was hospitalized and I was a kid of six years. This bitch used to be a neighbor of mine.

Miss A: Where is your mother these days?
Me: She is at hospital.
Miss A: So who is managing the house? Her sister? (With a wink)
Me: No
Miss A: What did your father cook for dinner yesterday?
Me: Xyz curry
Miss A: What else he can cook?
Me: I don’t know
Miss A: why? (Angrily)
Me: ?
Miss A: He bathes your mother?
Me: I don’t know
Miss A: Why? Are you mad? Don’t you live with them? Anyways, who was he who visited your house yesterday?
Me: ? (Crying)
Miss A: Go and come tomorrow.

After that, at that tender age, I swore I will refuse to talk and keep mum if any one enquires about my mother again.

2.            This happened when I was in school. One of my friends had three more siblings.

Teacher: How many siblings do you have?
She: Madam, three
Teacher: My gawd! four kids in these times! And what is your father?
She: He is a professor at Xyz University
Teacher: Still four? hahahah!
She: (Silent)
Teacher to a fellow teacher: He must be keeping his evenings free of private tuitions (with a wink)!
I clearly remember my friend cried bitterly after that and swore never to befriend any one of that particular religion to which that teacher belonged.

3.     This happened when I was in college.

A few distant relatives visited us. As soon as they arrived, they started doing recce of the house, opening closets and surveying nook and corners. I was asked to show some old photographs. As soon as I got the bag out of the drawer, it was snatched and all the albums spread on the bed. Much to me and my mother’s discomfort, my college trip album was picked up, and then started the interrogative process. They started inquiring about my male friends in my group. The uncle looked at me with penetrating eyes and said: “Hmmm, so schooling was in co-ed school?”
Me: Yes uncle.
He: College as well
Me: Yes
He: Hmmm (passing a silent and dirty smile to his wife)
Me: So???

4.     Finally this happened to me  when I was working:

A friend of mine was going through a painful marriage. She called me one day at two in the night and started crying. I tried my best to console her. After I told her to be calm and even, and after an hour long conversation, I was firmly told by her not to ‘interfere’ in her ‘personal matters’, ‘husband’ and ‘married life’. I was also given a lecture on relationships and emotions.

That was the last conversation of my life with that girl. I swore never to interfere in anyone’s marriage, no matter how close he or she is and how painful it is going.

 I have noticed, some people do not leave a single opportunity to insult others in any way and sometimes they create situation that can provide them an authority to insult. I strongly feel such people are kind of mentally deranged or sick and not worth interacting with.

Also, certain experiences and insults that shook you from inside are very capable to form some particular attitudes and beliefs for the rest of your life. If you think someone is that possessive about this or superstitious about that or simply refuses to let herself/ himself go, prod a little; you will find an insecure child or a confused teen somewhere in her/his soul. Next time, before rushing to form an opinion after the first meeting, just go a little deeper, things may not be what they seem, something else lies beneath.


  1. Damn! Makes me angry! Interfering in other's lives is so disgusting and few people enjoy it so much. Bloody!

  2. Interesting post... Its really weird how ppl want to poke their noses in others' problems!!

  3. its really bad,feel like giving a kick to evry butt ..indulging or extracting information for no reason!
    its a hobby for some unless you give them a your piece of mind!
    I have blown out of proportion in some instances...
    Like some of the relatives checking out our closets and drawers for no reason...or taking out my personal stuff..
    you have to show them their place even if it sounds rude..
    ..its very sad the instances mentioned...here..and behavior with the kids!!!

  4. Hii hitwicked

    yes, made me angry too..some pple are not worth calling a human being

  5. hii Shrikant

    thanks a lot for the comment :)
    thanks, yes some pple are really weird

  6. hii Harman

    thanks a lot for the comment, yes some pple deserve to be treated rudely, and harassing kids mentally for personal information is very common but quire obnoxious i think.

  7. 1,2,3 cases were classic examples of interference...but in the 4th case where u patiently heard ur friend and tried to help her, i felt it was not interference. There is a very thin line between helping someone and interfering...and according to me u just helped ur friend

  8. elllo madamjee, m sorry u met some really bad ppl....i have just two words for them..beep beep!!

    btw this article was really awesome and i remember reading ur old articles and started following u, something that i really enjoyed..in many ways i feel u have redscovered urself with this article..cheers!!

  9. hii UA

    yps, simply beep beep for such nerds.

    thanks a lot yaar :)

  10. hii Gayathri

    thanks yaar, yes, some pple interfere so much that it becomes a problem. yaar, yes, a very thin line that most pple do not understand.

  11. First three cases are the common cases we experience everywhere. Sometimes they even make you so angry that you want to give a hard punch in their faces but then you can’t do it to them because you are very different from what they are made up of.
    About the fourth case, I would say you did a mistake. Sorry to say but why do you think she called only you in the night?
    Depression, desperation and pain leads to too many illogical thoughts and our inner self will not be in a state to know what is right or what is wrong. Irrational Mind is what we call it. We need to handle it very carefully. May be she did vent out her anger and frustration on you in that state and I know you are also very sensitive at heart. Moreover your intentions were to help her, support her and guide her. But still you should have stick to her. May be she needed a second chance. That way may be you could have helped her. May be she really needed you at that time. A friend definitely deserves a second chance unlike the other three cases.

    Sorry if I hurt your feelings by saying this.
    Feel free to delete this comment.

  12. hii Asif,

    thanks for expressing ur point frankly :)

    yes, thats right but after all she is not a kid of an insane..she should have understood my feelings and care as well before kicking me out of her life in a second.