:)

:)

Friday, October 10, 2014

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors


How true! ‘Good fences’ have become a sort of a necessity these days, seriously! That’s why I really adore this quote from the poem ‘Mending Wall’ by Robert Frost. Here, I would like to share two of the many pesting conversations I had with relatives. I really appreciate their concern but too much of everything, even care, becomes suffocating.

A few weeks back, I had a conversation with an overbearing and over-argumentative aunt. After giving her usual opening lecture about the importance of marriage, she told me about another suitor. I am reproducing the entire telephonic conversation here-

Aunt: Beta!! I have something special for you!
I: What!
Aunt: Guess beta guess!!
I: Some delicacy, may be?
Aunt: Ugh…I have a nice suitor for you! He is a very eligible boy.
I: Ok.
Aunt: He is earning well and belongs to our community.
I: His qualifications?
Aunt: How do they matter? He is working.
I: Don’t you think I need to know his qualifications?
Aunt: But he is earning well so why do you need to?
I: A scrap-dealer also earns well and so does a drug peddler.
Aunt: God! These girls! He is an engineer, OK?
I: Which college?
Aunt (agitated)Arrey baba, tell me how does it matter?
I: It does, to me.
Aunt: That’s irrelevant, and now I’ll tell you about his family in brief. Actually beta, they are two siblings; their father remarried after the demise of their mother but the stepmother packed them off to their Bua’s place and since that boy does not like that Bua, he is staying separately for years but his sister still resides there. They are not on talking terms with their father who has three more kids with his new wife.
I (in horror): Seriously?
Aunt (elated): Seriously! See, no in-law tension too! I’ll send you his photo.
I: No need, I do not think I’ll go for this match.
Aunt: Why? What is the issue? Atleast see his photo once.
I: Why should I when I’m simply not interested.
Aunt (very annoyed): What is the matter, tell me now? Is the boy not working? He is. Is he not well educated? He is. The community is same too. Then why are you not ready? Tell meeee! Answer!! Atleast see his photoooo!
I (WTF?): Hmmm…okk…Oh! An urgent call is coming on the other line; I’ll ring you back shortly!


A cousin of mine shocked me one day by the display of her sense of responsibility towards me. She arrived at my place one afternoon and this happened-

Cousin: Yaar! Give me your photograph.
I: You have so many of them.
Cousin: They are all group pics but I require a nice one, a single pic.
I: Ok, click one then.
Cousin: No, in Indian attire, with proper expressions.
I: What for?
Cousin: I need it urgently.
I: First tell me the motive for I am getting a bit suspicious.
Cousin: I think you should get married now and I want to know in detail the type of boy you wish. Tell me now!
I: Hey, what is your problem?
Cousin: Arrey yaar, actually I am creating your matrimonial profile and for that, I need a proper shaadi-wali type pic. I feel it is the correct time for you to get married.
I: Whatttt!
Cousin: Relax. Yup!
I: You did not even ask me? Strange!
Cousin: Do I need to take permissions for such day-to-day sundry things too?
I: Marriage is not a sundry thing. Are you nuts?
Cousin: Leave it. Pic?
I: You do not need to worry about my marriage and all, we can take care.
Cousin: See, I really care for you. I will create a profile and then we will scan the matches and would select the best one! I’ll provide my own contact number and only I’ll filter the matches.
I (WTF?): You don’t have to take such pains. Please go home and relax. Thank you.

There is a thin line between care and interference. When one’s patience is tested, only irritation and anger spill, leading to a friction in relationships. In this era, it is considered inappropriate to cross the limits and trespass into someone’s privacy, even in close relationships.



38 comments:

  1. That's the problem with marriage in India ... others are more concerned than the respective person ... marriage is a personal choice and hence such interferences are nonsensical.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Amrit

      exactly, others are far more concerned and expect the boy/girl to obey their advice too! This is indeed nonsensical

      Delete
  2. God save us from these over-concerned and over-caring relatives! You did the right thing by telling these people to mind their own business.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Beloo

      yes, may God only save us! Thanks!

      Delete
  3. Good one. Very true, there is a thin line between care and interference.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rajesh

      Thanks! yes, a very thin line is there but it is there.

      Delete
  4. Its not just marriage. I remember when I was planning to buu car and my relatives showered my parents with opinion on how one should buy first hand or second hand, Indian, Japanese or European manufacturer etc. They did not dare talk to me as I would have given it back to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Priyank

      Yes, you are right, people esp. relatives love lecturing on every damn thing.
      haha! nice!

      Delete
  5. I think we Indians think we can mind every body's business simply because they are friends or family !! We love dispensing "advice" to any one who cares to listen! It can be really annoying. Poor you, I can imagine your situation. Thankfully I have gotten past that stage in my life ( when everyone thought that my marriage was their concern )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Hi Meera

      yes, some people do know understand the concept of that thin line at all and it become really pesting at times. haha! now I know what you must have gone through!

      Delete
  6. Oh wow, this would clearly be too much for me. I mean, I understand they care for you but I guess this is pushing it too hard. I mean, there is no rush. :) Relatives can be really annoying, I have some really really horrible ones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Katrin

      yes, I was really annoyed. I can understand your pain as we too have some really horrible and appalling relatives.

      Delete
  7. God! There's a thin line between concern and interference and most people dont understand that! Marriage and then when to have children, how many children too is everybody's business! :|

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Shilpa

      This is the main problem! exactly, i agree with you fully.

      Delete
  8. You related it really well with the quote 'Good fences make good neighbor'.
    When people start interfering you don't mind loosing those from your life. I think for country's growth ppl should start minding their own business and give more heed on their own talent (except interference and gossiping and giving worthless free advices) and join some hobby classes in free time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Megha

      yes, losing such relatives is rather a good riddance. hahah! that's a good point that your have raised- joining hobby classes to put idle energies to use! and it is true also.

      Delete
  9. I envy you for having such wonderful, caring relatives. I'd kill them to have such relatives. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kanthu

      You mean if you had such relatives, you would have killed them? hahah!

      Delete
  10. Typical Indian mentality. The moment you graduate or strike 22-23, all you would be asked to do marry. Such force is more due to the fear of what others might think.

    And really, I dont understand how two people can decide to live with each other by looking at their profile that has a marriage-wali photo, name, age, qualification, height, weight and salary.

    Could be a tried and tested practice.
    But, is it really appropriate to force someone into it.

    Good one Ankita :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Locomente

      yes, very typical. India we avoid even speaking to strangers but do not mind starting a family with them...odd!

      sometimes showing relatives their limits becomes inevitable.

      Delete
  11. Your relatives should leave you to choose your own future and prospective husband dear Ankita.
    Good luck my dear. :)
    hugs
    xoxoxo ♡

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dianne

      But it is really difficult for them to understand this simple thing.

      Thanks my dear!
      much love <3
      *hugs*
      :)

      Delete
  12. Oh interesting. Very interesting conversations. I dont get it at all how its anyone's business when you want to marry and whom! Good luck dealing with these people!

    Also, the other day I was browsing through your sketches blog. Damn nice! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Preeti

      yes, I do not understand their problem? hahah! thanks! i am always trying my best to manage such nonsensical discussions :P

      is it? Thanks a lot!!
      :D

      Delete
  13. Lol....This is so typical. Indian relatives are more concerned about a girl's marriage than anything else in life. I can totally relate. It's so annoying.
    Well-written. Good luck dealing with these people. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kiran

      yesss! they really are and fail to understand that the other person is getting annoyed by this over-care.

      hehe! thanks, i really need some good wishes :)

      Delete
  14. People these days simply cant mind their own business! Sad.
    Loved your answers:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Divsi

      Most Indian relatives fall into this category! haha! thank you!!

      Delete
  15. These definitely don't sound like concern at all; just gross interference!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Roshni AaMom

      Thanks for the comment! yes, true

      Delete
  16. Haha..this is so very typical in every Indian household, doesn't matter if you're a Hindu, Muslim, Christian or any other religion for that matter.. :P

    Loved how you dealt with both of them and I'm sure many more too :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Fatima

      hahaha! yes, every Indian household has the same story!

      Thanks a lot! :D

      Delete
  17. Instead of conversing so long,you should have told them marriage is personal and that you will find one for yourself in due time.It may seem rude but will keep them away.This may not apply to parents always!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello KP Uncle

      Yes, that would have been right but with elder relatives it is really difficult and sometimes not at all possible to get too curt :(

      Delete
  18. With that drug peddler quote, you were seriously Breaking Bad (Pun intended).

    Seriously, some people need to keep their nose out of others' way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Saru

      hahah! I was very irritated at that point!

      yes, that is the problem :)

      Delete

Kindly copy your comments (using the right click) for it seems there is some issue with the blogger. Sometimes comments do not go through in the first attempt. :)