Friday, September 4, 2009

Pati patni aur ‘woh’

Recently, while flipping through the pages of a women’s magazine, I read about a different category of ladies called as ‘home breakers’/ ‘man-eaters’, etc. These are sultry, intelligent and shrewd women, usually unmarried or divorced, who target rich and successful married men. As per the definition these ladies are ‘woh’ in a normal and happy pati-patni scene. I heard media accusing actress Shilpa Shetty of breaking a UK based businessman Raj Kundhara’s marriage, of yesteryears’ actress Sri Devi breaking producer Boney Kapoor’s happy home, of actress Sangeeta Bijlani being a ‘woh’ in cricketer Azharuddin’s happy household. And more recently, of actress Rani Mukherjee playing a ‘woh’ in Aditya Chopra’s life (btw Aditya Chopra has separated from his wife Payal) and if media is to be believed, Mukherjee is solely responsible for this marital disaster.

There is no dearth of such cases and I do not intend to count them over here but my point is- is ‘that’ woman the only one responsible? Is that married man an innocent child? If that woman, the ‘woh’ is responsible for barging into a happy household and is capable enough of shattering it, the man of the household is also equally responsible of letting his home break. Rather, he is the one who allows that ‘woh’ an entry into his life much to the discomfort of his partner (wife). He is the one who gets more interested in the ‘woh’ and succumbs to her charm, the one who decides to seek divorce from his lawfully married wife without any compunctions about leaving her and his own kids for a seductress.

Media and society tag such ladies with all sorts of nasty names, degrade them down to the lowest possible level and what not. Although this impact is much less in case of celebrities as obviously society bows down to the power and fame, but it is there and can be visibly seen. I do not say that such ladies are fictional characters; they do exist and are experts at seducing their chosen prey but there is a big bad world out there, and meeting such people is inevitable. One cannot blame an outsider for breaking his home. It’s not the power of seduction of an outside force but actually the cracks inside a relationship that lead to its complete crash. If any of the partners is weak or there is a lack of trust, their relationship needs but a little tremor to fall apart. People out there are not angels to let such opportunities go and give you a free counseling session as well. Rather, they are waiting and ready to pounce at the first chance or the most subtle hint. Finally, it’s the couple who call it quits and no one else.

Shilpa Shetty is blessed with a shrewd business brain. And on top of that a multi millionaire like Raj Kundhara is begging her all day and night for marriage. Leaving him (a golden opportunity) just because he has a wife and on all the ethical and moral blah blah definitely is not what at least Shetty can be expected to do (esp. after her Big brother drama). In such a case (s) I differ from the usual opinion and I find all Kundharas and not Shettys more deserving of the tag of a home breaker.

(PS: If you have seen the movie ‘Ankahee’ by Vikram Bhatt, u’ll get the point)


  1. I second each word of yours Miss AS.

    Seriously speaking, what is that ridiculous term 'home breaker'? Doesnt a guy make a home? Is it only a lady who is supposed to make a home?

    If a lady walks into a 'normal happy husband-wife' scene, if they were really happy, if they had mutual respect and trust for each other, a 'woh' can never get anywhere near them

    Its a stereotype, a lady is accused of breaking home, she is tagged a whore, and not what!!

    Is the husband who is portrayed as a victim an infant? Who can be lured away by just giving him a lollipop?

    Even if people stereotype it, I am of the opinion that the guy must own the responsibility if he is a gentleman

    Phew!! I am hijacking your blog here, written too much, will stop

  2. hmmm quite an interesting post, hey bindu..yes i agree with both of yu...but i think it all depends on the situation! agreed the society claims illicit stuff about women who abandon the family without knowing the root causes, again it all depends...have you ever heard about the fight against 498A ? yu'd know how many men have been innocent victims of this law, where women can just walk around havin the best of lifetime after filing this case. (i say this bcos i have my bro who was a victim as well)Am not saying Men are the only victims here, but it all depends on the person when yu break it down!.. Yur post has truly shown the celeb life and i guess for them..its just an other day!... well agree with Bindu...didnt realise i typed so much:)! lost in yur post...keep writing!!tak care...cya around often!


  3. firstly.. whats making you think about this subject? :P
    secondly, at a level even you r being a misogynist by stating things too simplistically. the other woman is a person too.. everybody acts in one's own self interest, everyone has a right to it. its in the wife's interest to maintain status quo. its in the other woman's interest to do what she does. well, the man's interest is a lil' questionable in the current societal standards.. but bloody he is designed that way. the whole marriage thing is crap. its unnatural. everyone is human. its inhumane to expect otherwise.

  4. i agree with your opinion that men are equally responsible for a broken marriage. yet, there is another dimension to it if one has the capacity to see it. Its good for both the husband and wife to separate if they dont have 'love' for each other, the very basis on which all marriages are made. Its a pity that many still continue to live together just because the society expects them to.

    it is in these cases, when the 'woh' enters the picture, the husband easily falls for another because she makes his life interesting. Its altogether a different question of how long the relationship will hold true, unless there is mutual love...

    my views might be considered radical, yet there has got to be something wrong in an existing relationship for it to break.,. after all, one hand cannot clap alone

    Smoothie En So :)

  5. To Hary here...

    I agree with you. I actually wanted to write more views on it. But just stopped as I thought I was hijacking AS's blog here.

    But excuse me AS. I better make myself clear, nahi tho....people will kill me.

    I totally agree that few women tend to misuse the law which favors them. Those laws are formed because most women end up being victims than men, but doesn't mean they have to take advantage. I know of a guy in my organization who was fired because a lady misused the sexual harassment law. Who would believe if a guy files a sexual harassment case against a women?

    Yeah, coming back to the crux of this post, AS has written about the cases where in a triangular relationship, how society blames the women always. First, lets all agree that our society is stereotypical.

    Who is blamed if a man walks into a happy couple's life and the lady walks away with this man? Would the society call this 'man' a home breaker? I dont think so. They would blame the lady calling her a slut. Isn't it?

    So it all drills down to the mindset and the society. Our culture has modeled women to be angelic like, and with such things, the assumption is broken and the women now is labeled a nasty one.

    With the media fueling in, a mountain is made out of a mole hill. They tend to publish such stories to increase their sales, a celebrity scoop is always interesting and curious to people, isn't it?

  6. Hi AS,
    Everyone either men or women both are human beings.. Thy both can do mistakes... But problem with our society is that only women are considered to be culprit for everything... They are blamed for every damn thing..
    If you are walking on roads and someone pass comment on you.. People wil say... Girl is wearing reveilig dress,, or she must have did something...
    But if a MALE says that we are made of such element only.. Then I want to question them.. What element they are made of...
    Giving them some options
    1. Dumbness
    2. Chracterless
    3. Nymphomaniacs..
    and pls add some more elements they can think of..
    Why only women are expected to be perfect.. y ppl dont allow them to do any mistake... and if they do.. society jst debarred thm or write all shity crap abt thm....
    at the end i jst wnt to say...
    Guys.. evn we women are HUMAN BEINGS.. Dont think we cant do mistakes or we cant do wrong thing.. We are as human beings as you are...

  7. Hey Aditi.. Very very strong post!! all of a sudden .. getting hardcore feminist ha!! Nari Mukti Morcha Andolan ha!!

    Its very natural to fume after reading such an article.

    Seriously speaking.. i'd agree to your comments to quite some extent :) . I think it takes a great deal of character and integrity for a man not to succumb to any temptations outside the boundaries of a wedlock.

    Also its very wrong to portray a women as a whore or any illicit name ( "woh" included). It should also be understood that it is never wrong on that women's part is she finds love in him. Everyone has their own interests to protect and calling names to that women is not right.

    But again for us to put this issue from a very simplistic perspective would be very wrong. Its just those three people ( the pati, the patni and the supposedly "woh" ) who are in that tangle would be able to tell wot is wot.

    It takes two hands to clap, so does two people for a marriage to break. If its important for a man to be honest, so is for the wife to be supportive and communicate to the husband if she finds him to be suspicious. More importantly, if the couple if loving enough not let any third person destroy their marriage , their relation will never be hit no matter how shrewd the third person is. I think being honest, transparent and communicative always helps to keep the wedded life smooth and fine.

    There is one most important think we've easily forgotten here. Its so very common for us associate a women to the word "woh". But haven't there been occasions where a Man has been a home breaker? hasnt a man involved in luring a women out of the wedlock? has a man never showed the so called shrewdness ??

    why does a women always get labeled?

    Very interesting and pertinent article Aditi!! u are sure to get lots of opinions!


  8. But you know, all these 'woh's are really beautiful!


  9. ankahhe is one my fav films..not just the songs, the tangled relationship presentation is so true and..i dun kno the word..
    some things jus happen in life..no logic n reasons behind..

    also that is jus a personal choice n i think everyone has the right..
    so media is just creating news sensation n people are wastin time watching it

  10. i agree with you.
    one person( outsider) cannot be blamed for the problems within a relationship..
    the blame has to be put on the three of them, the outsider for causing any such problems.. and those in the relationship who allows the outsider to form a rift in their relation..

  11. It is difficult to imagine how and why women receive ore criticism in these matters. It is unacceptable. I am not talking about who is the cause of the problem, but I just cannot digest how men just are not insulted and looked down upon when compared to women. A man could continue with his life without any getting affected adversely, but the same, unfortunately, is not applicable for women.

  12. yaa Gautam, although women are now quite independent but they are not still not empowered..and thats the very sad reality :(

    this thing is very well explained in these lines from one of my fav novels 'The thousand splendid suns' by Khaleed Hossenni

    " like a compass needle always finds north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman"

    (Nana to Mariam)

  13. hii all

    thanks a lot for putting ur frank opinions here.

    @ Hary: such cases are still minority.

    @ Ajinkya: why? why should I not write on this topic just because it shows males in a negative aspect? societal norms have to be followed, ladies are also 'designed' in some way..if they wish they can destroy the generations of a family..

    @Anonymous: marriage means loyalty to ur legally wedded partner, no matter how interesting the 'woh' can make ur life.

    @Insignia: I fully agree with you.
    @pink teddy: u are right.. only women are blamed. to cover their flaws up, men claim they are designed this way, that way..blah blah.. please feel free to use space!

    @Abhinav: lol!

    @Rammy : I agree with you.

    @Joie: no, marital loyalty is above all freedom.

    @Amal: I fully agree with you. thanks for such crisp reply..loved it!

    @Gautam:sadly, we have different rules for men and women.

  14. Hey, I am checking this blog using the phone and this appears to be kind of odd. Thought you'd wish to know. This is a great write-up nevertheless, did not mess that up.

    - David

  15. In such cases, everybody has to share the blame, more so by the other woman, as being a woman atleast she must not hurt another woman.

    As everybody must look for self interest , I dont agree, we have to see the right and wrong too, we cant all the time do what is in our self interest.

    Other woman is a home breaker, if she latches ona man, while he is still married to other woman.

    In most of the cases you cited, man divorced only aftergetting the other one..let them decidew first and then make themselves available, but men are having their cake and eating it too, because women are letting them do that.

  16. hii Renu

    yes, both the partners need to protect their marriage and stay loyal..I agree