:)

:)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My first poem


My soul is lost in your shadow

I am lost in darkness

It’s very scary


Far and far all is dark

Like some silent moonless night

All My expressions are gone

My voice too is lost in your noise



My self is ashamed of itself

My heart refuses to beat

My soul is scorched like

The Sand punished in desert heat



I am washed in this darkness

Like some nasty rootless weed

And my thoughts are numb too

Like an eternal dormant seed



No one can be seen, no one can be heard

For miles and miles, all my life

I have walked alone, hoping for a ray

But life had given less than it has taken away



My hands reach for yours

Knowing you were never there

But, I am a human too

With feelings to share

I too have a heart that wants to live

Share joy with love endless to give



All our vows turned futile

All the love is gone

I am reduced to nothing

Being trapped in your exile



Scars and marks say my story

That I am lost in darkness

It’s very scary.



(PS : This is my first attempt towards writing a poem. This is about domestic abuse.)


45 comments:

  1. Really awesome for a first attempt. Keep it up!!

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  2. hii sis :)

    thanks a lot !

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  3. good one :-)..keep writing more, you'v got the talent!

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  4. talented gal.. wth yet anthr talent... nice poem...

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  5. OK.. let me count..

    Writer
    Artist
    Cartoonist
    and a Poet now. this stuff doesn't looks like from a first-timer..

    Great going!

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  6. hii Titaxy :)

    thanks a lot :)
    i'll keep tryin :)

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  7. hii Pinks :D

    thankss a ton dearrie :)

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  8. heyaa Abhinav :D

    heheh! m soo honored *

    thanks :)


    (* actually, khali dimag shaitan ka ghar :P )

    heheheeh!

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  9. hey, I hope this is fictional. The situation Sounds very bad.
    "Trapped in exile" sounds submissive and out of the question for today's woman.

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  10. hii Abstract Scientist

    well, i am afraid this is not fictional..this poem is based on a a talk I once had had with a lady who was a victim of domestic violence. she suffers from cancer too :( and most surprisingly she is employed, (she is a teacher), independent BUT not empowered just like millions of other victims. situation in India is worse than what we just happen to see and hear.

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  11. For a first attempt. This is awesome and too serious of a topic!! good choice of words and good flow :)

    well written dear... keep then writing :)


    cheers
    rammy

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  12. heyaa!! rammy :D

    thanks a ton dearrie..... :)

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  13. hii Prashant :)

    thanks a lot buddy !

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  14. brilliant work.. wat makes it more awesome is the topic n the fact that its ur first attempt..
    im sure we can see more great works frm u..
    keep up d good work :)

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  15. heyyaa Amal :)

    thankssss a ton buddy !!!

    m sooo very glad u liked it :)

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  16. sixer of the first ball in poetry :)! soo deep and touching abt the victim!

    HaRy

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  17. heyaa Hary!

    hehehe! thanks buddy! I know how much u love cricket ;)

    thanksss.. I once had had a word with the victim....it was a touching experience....I still remember the expressions in her eyes...

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  18. Great poetic potentials. It touched the heart and the soul both.

    Waiting for more such touching creations from you......

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  19. wow...honestly this was too good.,..tu toh multi-talented hain boss :) keep it up!

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  20. hii G3 :)

    thanks a ton yaar!

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  21. hii Ashu bhaiyaa :)

    thanks a ton !!
    I'll keep trying :)

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  22. aauuu
    tum kaviyatri..baap re
    yeh kab hua kaise???

    tabiyat theek haina..
    likha toh likha upar se aisa shandarrr..

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  23. hii joie :D

    bas yaar aise hi try kiya poem likhne ka :)

    thanks , m glad u liked it!

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  24. Hi this is the first time I am visiting your blog.

    "And my thoughts are numb too
    Like an eternal dormant seed"

    these are my favorite lines. really strong poem. makes the reader flow with it.

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  25. Hi Gautam

    Welcome to my blog :)

    thanks a lot! m glad u liked the poem :)

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  26. Good debut. Its quite poignant.

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  27. hii Shas
    :)

    Welcome to my blog :)

    thanks a lot!

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  28. Its really heart-touching... nice anki....... both on sketching n poetry.... ur creativity is mind- blowing.. 3 cheers :)

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  29. hii Shuchi :D

    where have u been dear?
    thanks a lot yaar !

    cheers!!

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  30. hii Ahsan

    thanks a lot!

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  31. It is very well written. When I come home later tonight from work, I will add link to this my main post...thanks for commenting and sending this poem. You are awesome.:)

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  32. Hello A

    thanks a lot for this wonderful compliment :D

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  33. Really awesome for a first attempt

    it brought tears to my eyes

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  34. Very touching and deep ! So beautifully written.Thanks to you and A for sharing this with us.

    I need to thank you for visiting my page the other day too :)

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  35. Hi stranger

    welcome here :)
    thanks a lot :)
    keep coming!

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  36. hii Kavita

    thanks a ton for this wonderful compliment :)

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  37. In the excitement of your first poem, i guess you forgot to give a title to it...or "my first poem" is itself the title? :) its like watching a movie without knowing the name - you've no idea what to expect...but for a first timer, this is not bad!

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  38. hii Mohan!

    heheh! yaa, i was very excited. Actually this poem is based on a victim of domestic abuse (a lady i know)and i tried to describe her mental state here, and forgot to name it!

    lets call its 'it is very scary'

    :)

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  39. Is this really your first attempt? Unbelievable !

    The subject on which you wrote such a proficient poetry instantly caught my imagination. I can speak volumes on the subject myself but the way in which you expressed the feelings so delicately is awesome.
    Un said words! Nothing can beat them.

    The heart which feels more is capable of expressing more.

    “My hands reach for yours Knowing you were never there But, I am a human too With feelings to share I too have a heart that wants to live Share joy with love endless to give”- I find these lines very familiar.

    Sooner or later, Scars of the body will be gone but the lasting effect (marks) it leaves on the heart makes avant-garde Changes.
    I’m happy to meet such a wonderfully creative person in you now. Looking forward to read a lot real feelings depicted wonderfully on paper!

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  40. Great words, Creative and strong interlacing of feelings of the heart and wonderful presentation. Loved everything you present here.
    Can’t help but to follow you :)

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  41. Hello Asif

    thanks!

    I once had had a talk with a victim of domestic abuse, her condition was really miserable.
    Domestic violence is rampant but only a few extreme cases are reported. This is a very sad reality of our society.

    I loved ur comment :)

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  42. "Life has given less than it has taken away..."
    Great Debut...
    Your words remind me of Emily Dickinson...
    Al the Best :)

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  43. hello Arun

    thanks a lot!

    :)

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