:)

:)

Monday, June 16, 2014

My First Haiku Attempt!

This is my first attempt in writing Haiku. I hope you will like it. Suggestions and corrections are most welcome!

Drizzle taps waiting earth
Its salubrious whiff escapes
I breathe after ages


Sobs fill dark silence
Moon peeps out
Atleast someone cares 


42 comments:

  1. I don't know ABCs of Haiku writing. But, all I can say that I can feel a lot reading your Haikus and they are really touching...

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sindhu

      I also do not know much about Haiku. This is my first attempt towards writing it :P

      Thank you so much! I am really glad you enjoyed the post
      :)

      Delete
  2. Love your writing! Thanks for sharing!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Katrin

      Vielen Danke! meine lieben :)

      Delete
  3. Lovely Ankita!
    Felt the beauty of rain/water on earth & a moonlit night :)
    Yet to write my 1st haiku :)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Anita

      Thanks a ton! I am really happy that you liked the verses :D
      Please do! I really wish to read urs :)

      Delete
  4. Don't know about the Daku part, but the second verse is amazing. Brilliant!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rajesh

      what is daku?

      Thanks a ton! I am really so glad that you liked the verses :D

      Delete
  5. Nice poem Loved reading it. However, a small suggestion. The "rule" for Haiku is 3 sentences with 5-7-5 in syllables for that. First sentence 5 syllables, second sentence 7 syllables, and third sentence 5 syllables.

    Your first para has 6-8-6 and second para has 5-4-6 syllables. (May be if you go to www.wordcalc.com, it will help you calculate the syllables for each word/each sentence,.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi SG

      Thanks a lot for liking the poems as well as for correcting them :)
      That's my first attempt and in future I will take utmost care of the Haiku rule that you have mentioned! This link is really very helpful!

      Thanks again :)

      Delete
  6. Beautifully written Ankita! Keep it going :)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Vinodini

      Thanks a lot for the lovely compliment :)

      Delete
  7. I am terrible when it comes to poems and Haiku...but I liked whatI read.:)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Red

      Thanks ton! i am really happy you liked the poems :)

      Delete
  8. AnonymousJune 17, 2014

    If this is first attempt, then the future is dazzling. The lines are very short yet full of emotion for anyone who cares to think. Really impressive. Keep it up.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Anon

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked the poems :)

      Delete
  9. I've never tried my hand at Haiku. But I love what I see here! Good going, Ankita!

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    Replies
    1. Hi A

      Thanks a ton!
      I am really so happy you enjoyed the poems :)

      Delete
  10. I don't know much about Haiku. But I liked the second one! It says a lot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sandhya

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked the poems :)

      Delete
  11. I have no idea what haiku is .. but to me the words create magic here .. especially the last saying how moon at least cares..

    Bikram

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    Replies
    1. Hi Bikram

      Thanks a ton for such a wonderful complement ! I am really glad you liked the attempt!

      :D

      Delete
  12. I don't know the art of writing haiku but yes, I loved the first one. They are lovely, you should write more often.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Saru

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked the poems :D
      Thanks again for such a sweet motivation as well :)

      Delete
  13. First attempt?!! It is brilliant Ankita. :*

    Just a little bit of improvement in the structure and it's perfect.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Mirage

      Thanks a lot dear!! :*
      I am really so happy that you liked them!

      Ya, now I will remember that 5-7-5 rule of Haiku :)

      Delete
  14. I liked the second one very much.The first is nice

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    Replies
    1. Hello KP Sir

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked them :)

      Delete
  15. I don't know anything about Haiku writing, but what I feel is that your words create a lovely feel and make the reader connect with the image you are trying to express. That's a great thing, in my book at least :) Keep writing!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Beloo

      Thanks a lot for this wonderful compliment! I am really glad that the lines touched your heart :D

      Keep coming!!

      Delete
  16. Very nice and touching... 2nd one is deep..

    ReplyDelete
  17. last three lines are awesome :))
    they own dark expressions of silence and grief :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Roshan

      Thanks a ton! I am so happy that you loved these lines :)

      :D

      Delete
  18. Two wonderful verses Ankita, just a bit of fine tuning will make them fit in the 5-7-5 syllable requirement of Haiku. Your words have brought out the sense of struggle and relief really well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Reshma

      Thanks a lot! I will take care of this rule in future :)

      I am really so happy that you enjoyed the verses :)

      Delete
  19. Loved the reference to the moon ... beautiful verses :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Amrit

      Thanks a ton :D
      I am really glad you loved the Haiku :)

      Delete
  20. Your second Haiku is much better then the first.Japanese poetry, could we but write in that language we would use very simple words. No need for more important sounding words.Thus the beauty of your second Haiku Very fine indeed.

    Melanie
    bd
    http://www.beloved76.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Melanie

      Thanks a lot for this wonderful tip! i will take care in future :)

      I am so glad that you liked the second Haiku!

      :)

      Delete

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