An Open Letter to my Prospective Suitor!

I request you, my prospective suitor

To kindly read this open letter

Before you mount a docked-up mule

I humbly present these basic rules

Even though we haven’t even met

To stress some points, I’m all set!

Some things are better cleared early

To avoid later an emotional tragedy

Whenever you’re coming to meet me

I can hope, you are prepared already

Now check this list quite carefully

Ignorance isn’t an excuse for folly

So, let us begin with, my dear

I hope doubts will be all-clear

If you wish a girl who is

Like a typical bahu on TV

May you never get to meet me!

I wear vivid hues and short dresses

And roam around in open tresses

I just give a damn to all non-sense

And a good kick to ethnic pretence

I shout on the top of my voice

If get rubbed on the wrong side

I love myself and my make-up

And grooming to stay tip-top

I love click…click… click of my stilettos’

Flaunting funky nails in my peep-toes

I always call a spade a spade

Deception is not I’m of made

Alright, this was one thing

I hope next isn’t this boring!

Now let us move on to a new point

Read carefully with an open mind

Boy, I have my own life, alright

So, don’t expect a coy Indian wife

Waiting for my husband like a dog

Timidly in sun, rain, snow or fog

Frying pakoras as you land and,

Wasting days in running errands

Dissolving in kitchen day & night

With sari draped around me tight

I can’t visit those temples daily

B’coz in goodness lies the key

Nor listen to your sexist crap

I’ll swiftly gift a tight slap

Okay, so I hope this is fine

Let’s jump to another point

You've to respect my parents

If from me, you same expect

Yes! I can handle my money

Down till the very last penny

So please don’t meddle, I insist

Thank you. I can save and invest

Also! No dowry as gold or cars

Or you’ll soon be behind bars

I’ll never come to your rescue

And you’ll reap what you'll sow

Alright dear, now let’s soften a bit

We shall talk of that love shit

If still stuck in a failed affair

Firstly go, and see a doctor

And pay that shrink by the hour

For I’m not a mental counselor

I want someone I can admire

Not one still aflame with ex-desires

No carrying past baggage, I agree

No tears or rants for gone spree

Did I seem like a stone-hearted devil?

Or a ruthless bitch- sarcastic and evil?

If so, read between the lines, boy

I’m a dignified lady and not a toy

Or a living doll you can with play

Or a half-wit moron without a say

I won’t allow to be taken lightly

Even if male-egos are hurt slightly

Because I love my respect no end

Liberated and ambitious too, I am

So, if yes! Let’s party and cheer!

Else, to our own ways, dear.

Image from: www.favim.com/image/219926/
Bahu- daughter-in-law
Pakoras- Snacks