I am lost in darkness
It’s very scary
Like some silent moonless night
All My expressions are gone
My voice too is lost in your noise
My self is ashamed of itself
My heart refuses to beat
My soul is scorched like
The Sand punished in desert heat
I am washed in this darkness
Like some nasty rootless weed
And my thoughts are numb too
Like an eternal dormant seed
No one can be seen, no one can be heard
For miles and miles, all my life
I have walked alone, hoping for a ray
But life had given less than it has taken away
My hands reach for yours
Knowing you were never there
But, I am a human too
With feelings to share
Share joy with love endless to give
All our vows turned futile
All the love is gone
I am reduced to nothing
Being trapped in your exile
Scars and marks say my story
That I am lost in darkness
It’s very scary.
(PS : This is my first attempt towards writing a poem. This is about domestic abuse.)
Really awesome for a first attempt. Keep it up!!
ReplyDeletehii sis :)
ReplyDeletethanks a lot !
good one :-)..keep writing more, you'v got the talent!
ReplyDeletetalented gal.. wth yet anthr talent... nice poem...
ReplyDeleteOK.. let me count..
ReplyDeleteWriter
Artist
Cartoonist
and a Poet now. this stuff doesn't looks like from a first-timer..
Great going!
hii Titaxy :)
ReplyDeletethanks a lot :)
i'll keep tryin :)
hii Pinks :D
ReplyDeletethankss a ton dearrie :)
heyaa Abhinav :D
ReplyDeleteheheh! m soo honored *
thanks :)
(* actually, khali dimag shaitan ka ghar :P )
heheheeh!
hey, I hope this is fictional. The situation Sounds very bad.
ReplyDelete"Trapped in exile" sounds submissive and out of the question for today's woman.
hii Abstract Scientist
ReplyDeletewell, i am afraid this is not fictional..this poem is based on a a talk I once had had with a lady who was a victim of domestic violence. she suffers from cancer too :( and most surprisingly she is employed, (she is a teacher), independent BUT not empowered just like millions of other victims. situation in India is worse than what we just happen to see and hear.
For a first attempt. This is awesome and too serious of a topic!! good choice of words and good flow :)
ReplyDeletewell written dear... keep then writing :)
cheers
rammy
Nice one for a start :)
ReplyDeleteheyaa!! rammy :D
ReplyDeletethanks a ton dearrie..... :)
hii Prashant :)
ReplyDeletethanks a lot buddy !
brilliant work.. wat makes it more awesome is the topic n the fact that its ur first attempt..
ReplyDeleteim sure we can see more great works frm u..
keep up d good work :)
heyyaa Amal :)
ReplyDeletethankssss a ton buddy !!!
m sooo very glad u liked it :)
sixer of the first ball in poetry :)! soo deep and touching abt the victim!
ReplyDeleteHaRy
heyaa Hary!
ReplyDeletehehehe! thanks buddy! I know how much u love cricket ;)
thanksss.. I once had had a word with the victim....it was a touching experience....I still remember the expressions in her eyes...
Great poetic potentials. It touched the heart and the soul both.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for more such touching creations from you......
wow...honestly this was too good.,..tu toh multi-talented hain boss :) keep it up!
ReplyDeletehii G3 :)
ReplyDeletethanks a ton yaar!
hii Ashu bhaiyaa :)
ReplyDeletethanks a ton !!
I'll keep trying :)
aauuu
ReplyDeletetum kaviyatri..baap re
yeh kab hua kaise???
tabiyat theek haina..
likha toh likha upar se aisa shandarrr..
hii joie :D
ReplyDeletebas yaar aise hi try kiya poem likhne ka :)
thanks , m glad u liked it!
Hi this is the first time I am visiting your blog.
ReplyDelete"And my thoughts are numb too
Like an eternal dormant seed"
these are my favorite lines. really strong poem. makes the reader flow with it.
Hi Gautam
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my blog :)
thanks a lot! m glad u liked the poem :)
Good debut. Its quite poignant.
ReplyDeletehii Shas
ReplyDelete:)
Welcome to my blog :)
thanks a lot!
Its really heart-touching... nice anki....... both on sketching n poetry.... ur creativity is mind- blowing.. 3 cheers :)
ReplyDeletehii Shuchi :D
ReplyDeletewhere have u been dear?
thanks a lot yaar !
cheers!!
mind refreshment poem
ReplyDeletehii Ahsan
ReplyDeletethanks a lot!
It is very well written. When I come home later tonight from work, I will add link to this my main post...thanks for commenting and sending this poem. You are awesome.:)
ReplyDeleteHello A
ReplyDeletethanks a lot for this wonderful compliment :D
Really awesome for a first attempt
ReplyDeleteit brought tears to my eyes
Very touching and deep ! So beautifully written.Thanks to you and A for sharing this with us.
ReplyDeleteI need to thank you for visiting my page the other day too :)
Hi stranger
ReplyDeletewelcome here :)
thanks a lot :)
keep coming!
hii Kavita
ReplyDeletethanks a ton for this wonderful compliment :)
In the excitement of your first poem, i guess you forgot to give a title to it...or "my first poem" is itself the title? :) its like watching a movie without knowing the name - you've no idea what to expect...but for a first timer, this is not bad!
ReplyDeletehii Mohan!
ReplyDeleteheheh! yaa, i was very excited. Actually this poem is based on a victim of domestic abuse (a lady i know)and i tried to describe her mental state here, and forgot to name it!
lets call its 'it is very scary'
:)
Is this really your first attempt? Unbelievable !
ReplyDeleteThe subject on which you wrote such a proficient poetry instantly caught my imagination. I can speak volumes on the subject myself but the way in which you expressed the feelings so delicately is awesome.
Un said words! Nothing can beat them.
The heart which feels more is capable of expressing more.
“My hands reach for yours Knowing you were never there But, I am a human too With feelings to share I too have a heart that wants to live Share joy with love endless to give”- I find these lines very familiar.
Sooner or later, Scars of the body will be gone but the lasting effect (marks) it leaves on the heart makes avant-garde Changes.
I’m happy to meet such a wonderfully creative person in you now. Looking forward to read a lot real feelings depicted wonderfully on paper!
Great words, Creative and strong interlacing of feelings of the heart and wonderful presentation. Loved everything you present here.
ReplyDeleteCan’t help but to follow you :)
Hello Asif
ReplyDeletethanks!
I once had had a talk with a victim of domestic abuse, her condition was really miserable.
Domestic violence is rampant but only a few extreme cases are reported. This is a very sad reality of our society.
I loved ur comment :)
"Life has given less than it has taken away..."
ReplyDeleteGreat Debut...
Your words remind me of Emily Dickinson...
Al the Best :)
hello Arun
ReplyDeletethanks a lot!
:)