The Panacea

We all know what a great writer Virginia Woolf was and I absolutely loved her ‘A Room of One’s Own’, but not many of us know how she conquered her severe depression that she had fallen into after her beloved brother Thoby died in 1906. I will come to that later, for now I would love to share with you all a real story of one of my friends who suffered from obesity. Now, most of you must be by this time thinking that I am writing some medical journal but these separate mosaics will soon give you a clear and coherent picture of what I wish so earnestly to convey. So, the obesity of that girl took a toll on her confidence and she started to avoid social gatherings like plague. This made her have more junk and this cycle made her even more overweight. Now, being a close friend I knew what was at the root of this issue. It was not weight; the problem was deeper and obesity issues were mild tremors of a constant quake going on inside, silently. She had had a bitter breakup and was feeling cheated and used. On top of that, she could not even discuss this matter with anyone as this would have fuelled nasty gossip. Then, she decided upon a solution that cleansed her mind and body and now, after two years, she is out of her weight issues as she has conquered her inner frustration.

Remember the movie ‘Pinjar’ in which a helpless Puro’s story and her rapist Rashid’s love for her moved us. The movie was based on a novel by the same name by well known writer Amrita Pritam but not many of us know that she had lost her mother at a very young age and fell into depression but the way she overcame it put her in the club of Woolf and my friend. By now you must have guessed- the panacea I have been talking about is writing. Woolf overcame her depression by writing and produced literary gems like ‘Mrs. Dalloway’, ‘Waves’ and ‘To the Lighthouse’. There are many writers as well as common people who have won over their inner demons by pouring it all in their writing and that is why every worthy piece of writing has its origin in some pain.

There is also a very clear link of obesity and depression, for people who are sullen and unhappy within especially tend to over eat junk and sweets in order to spike their energy levels and mood, and this junk creates havoc for the body in long run. Later, after few months when they realize how deteriorated and shapeless their body has become, they fall even deeper into the pit of darkness. This cycle can claim lives too; suicides because of depression are common. Medical researches claim that more that 60% of all diseases are psychosomatic, that is, physical disorders stemming from emotions and manifesting themselves in deadly ways like TB, Cancer and the like.

So, Virginia Woolf and Amrita Pritam made diamonds of the dirt life threw at them and their shine still allures readers the world over. If you suffer from any such thing like a bitter breakup, some old abuse, some relationship trauma or an unfulfilled desire, it is far better to vent all emotions in a personal journal rather than telling the whole world about it and create further troubles or inevitably become an object of unwanted sympathy.

What lies beneath?

Before proceeding any further in this post, it is important to give a small disclaimer. Basically, I am writing this on the basis of my real life experiences with friends and especially social group members like neighbors and relatives. How your problem is a time pass for them and how eagerly people look forward to what happens next in your life is just similar to how a serial buff looks forward to the next episode; how much your drooping face interests them and how much willing they are to stir up waters to catch some mew ‘masaala’ from your life! Not just some of your relatives but a few neighbors as well fall into this category. I do not mean everyone is like this but most of the people definitely are, and you find more so if you keep your senses open and become a bit more observing.

1.     This happened when my mother was hospitalized and I was a kid of six years. This bitch used to be a neighbor of mine.

Miss A: Where is your mother these days?

Me: She is at hospital.

Miss A: So who is managing the house? Her sister? (With a wink)

Me: No

Miss A: What did your father cook for dinner yesterday?

Me: Xyz curry

Miss A: What else he can cook?

Me: I don’t know

Miss A: why? (Angrily)

Me: ?

Miss A: He bathes your mother?

Me: I don’t know

Miss A: Why? Are you mad? Don’t you live with them? Anyways, who was he who visited your house yesterday?

Me: ? (Crying)

Miss A: Go and come tomorrow.

After that, at that tender age, I swore I will refuse to talk and keep mum if any one enquires about my mother again.

2.            This happened when I was in school. One of my friends had three more siblings.

Teacher: How many siblings do you have?

She: Madam, three

Teacher: My gawd! four kids in these times! And what is your father?

She: He is a professor at Xyz University

Teacher: Still four? hahahah!

She: (Silent)

Teacher to a fellow teacher: He must be keeping his evenings free of private tuitions (with a wink)!

I clearly remember my friend cried bitterly after that and swore never to befriend any one of that particular religion to which that teacher belonged.

3.     This happened when I was in college.

A few distant relatives visited us. As soon as they arrived, they started doing recce of the house, opening closets and surveying nook and corners. I was asked to show some old photographs. As soon as I got the bag out of the drawer, it was snatched and all the albums spread on the bed. Much to me and my mother’s discomfort, my college trip album was picked up, and then started the interrogative process. They started inquiring about my male friends in my group. The uncle looked at me with penetrating eyes and said: “Hmmm, so schooling was in co-ed school?”

Me: Yes uncle.

He: College as well

Me: Yes

He: Hmmm (passing a silent and dirty smile to his wife)

Me: So???

4.     Finally this happened to me  when I was working:

A friend of mine was going through a painful marriage. She called me one day at two in the night and started crying. I tried my best to console her. After I told her to be calm and even, and after an hour long conversation, I was firmly told by her not to ‘interfere’ in her ‘personal matters’, ‘husband’ and ‘married life’. I was also given a lecture on relationships and emotions.

That was the last conversation of my life with that girl. I swore never to interfere in anyone’s marriage, no matter how close he or she is and how painful it is going.

 I have noticed, some people do not leave a single opportunity to insult others in any way and sometimes they create situation that can provide them an authority to insult. I strongly feel such people are kind of mentally deranged or sick and not worth interacting with.

Also, certain experiences and insults that shook you from inside are very capable to form some particular attitudes and beliefs for the rest of your life. If you think someone is that possessive about this or superstitious about that or simply refuses to let herself/ himself go, prod a little; you will find an insecure child or a confused teen somewhere in her/his soul. Next time, before rushing to form an opinion after the first meeting, just go a little deeper, things may not be what they seem, something else lies beneath.