For the last few
months, I had been wondering about the marital life of one of my good friends. On a
few earlier occasions, she did sound a bit sad on phone. However, I was not
sure enough to ask her anything directly. A few days back, I received her sms that she has changed her phone number. So, I called her casually for a little chit
chat.
“How are you?” I
asked
“Fine” she said
in a plain voice.
“Where are you
these days?” I asked
“I am out on parole”
She said in a strange, somewhat philosophical tone.
“..??...”
“At home, papa’s
place” she replied her voice regaining normalcy
“Hmmm” I said.
“Only a few good
days in hand” She added
“Of what?” I
asked
“My holidays
here, in my house” she said with a sigh.
“Hmmm” I replied
for I did not know what else to say.
My fears were
true. Sometimes, a word or two creates a clearer and real picture of
circumstances than hours of deep analysis. Felt sorry for her but I also know it
is really foolish to interfere in such cases of marital discord, for one always
stands at a risk to make a complete fool of him/herself. We can only pray from
the periphery.
Hmm....but may be she needs a friend to talk to.
ReplyDeleteHi Red
DeleteYes, I am always there for her, I have told her so very clearly :)
Its so sad that v women do everything for the marital house as if its ours but it never becomes the house v can call our 'own'...hope things get better for your friend.
ReplyDeleteHi Shaivi
Deleteyes, and the worst part is that it is expected out of them, this drudgery and this sacrifice and most ladies are taken for granted.
Unless shared fully,there is little you can do except praying for her happiness.felt sad reading the conversation.
ReplyDeleteHello KP Sir,
DeleteYes, one cannot interfere in someone's married life without being asked to so do that's why, we can only play for the things to get better.
If the spouse is not the greatest friend you can open up to or confide into, life is such a misery. beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteHi Abhra
DeleteYes, very true. thanks a lot! I am happy that you liked it.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
Sorry to hear about your friend. You did the right thing by just listening and not begin to advising. Lot of people cannot just listen only.
ReplyDeleteHi SG
DeleteThanks..yes, giving unwanted advice only annoys the other person.
AS, I'd prefer to take the risk of making a complete fool of myself than to take the risk of leaving my good old friend alone in a mess.
ReplyDeleteUsually in such situations people dont like to share, they dont want to let others know about their misery but deep inside they badly need someone close to share.
So instead of just advicing can't we try and make a situation in which she herself want to share her feelings and problems openly with you?
You can never find a solution unless you know the real problem and identifying the problem is far easier than searching for a solution in such situations.
Hi Aasyaan,
DeleteThanks for the nice comment.
I did not leave her alone in a mess for she knows that I am always there for her. I just did not force her to discuss her personal issues with me. I think, unwanted interference irritates an already troubled person. Giving people some time to open up by themselves slowly, avoids messing up of things and emotions.
I felt really sad that she didnt share it with you. Once we had a very nic young man working with my hubby, and when he committed suicide , everybody was so sad that why didnt he share, he was such a promising fellow and all that and from then I have become proactive in such situations..at cost of sounding interfering, I always want to draw people out...
ReplyDeleteHi Renu
DeleteShe did not share much with me but I do not feel sad because everyone has a right to protect his/her privacy.
that's sad, in such cases of severe depression, people should reach out to friends.
When life throws the most difficult challenges at us, we feel depressed and lost - but I hope she tries to find a solution for her situation - there isn't anything in this world that is impossible - she can't let something negative change her life forever.
ReplyDeleteEven is she has to fight her own battle without the support of her parents or friends and family - she should take the courage, step out boldly and make her voice heard - life should never be a compromise. I pray God gives her lots of strength and gifts her happiness!!
Hi Sai
DeleteYes, one has to fight the odds all alone, others can provide some help and support only. Esp in such cases of marital issues, people avoid discussing details and friends avoid interfering in their marriage.
You are such a great friend! Thanks for being there for her. It seems like she really needed somebody to talk!
ReplyDeleteHi Katrin
DeleteDanke! yes, in such cases, talking can be therapeutic :)
Sad indeed. One can only hope for the best.
ReplyDeleteHi Dilip
Deleteyes, I agree
I think getting a good life is better than getting a bad name.. Though girls are always expected to do a major adjustments and in return they need love and respect. If they are not getting either raise the voice.. take big step.. it's a one time misery but better than a life time hell... Every person is responsible of their own life.. people around you may help.. but they can't live for you...
ReplyDeleteHi Pink
Deleteyes, very true. Most girls are usually taken for granted and sadly they are fine with it. those who are not, spend the whole life digesting the humiliations...exactly, one needs to fight the war him/herself, others can only support and pray from outside.