:)

:)

Monday, June 16, 2014

My First Haiku Attempt!

This is my first attempt in writing Haiku. I hope you will like it. Suggestions and corrections are most welcome!

Drizzle taps waiting earth
Its salubrious whiff escapes
I breathe after ages


Sobs fill dark silence
Moon peeps out
Atleast someone cares 


By On
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42 comments:

  1. Sindhu Devi KJune 16, 2014

    I don't know ABCs of Haiku writing. But, all I can say that I can feel a lot reading your Haikus and they are really touching...

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 16, 2014

      Hi Sindhu

      I also do not know much about Haiku. This is my first attempt towards writing it :P

      Thank you so much! I am really glad you enjoyed the post
      :)

      Delete
  2. KatrinJune 16, 2014

    Love your writing! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 16, 2014

      Hi Katrin

      Vielen Danke! meine lieben :)

      Delete
  3. Anita SabatJune 16, 2014

    Lovely Ankita!
    Felt the beauty of rain/water on earth & a moonlit night :)
    Yet to write my 1st haiku :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 16, 2014

      Hi Anita

      Thanks a ton! I am really happy that you liked the verses :D
      Please do! I really wish to read urs :)

      Delete
  4. RajeshJune 16, 2014

    Don't know about the Daku part, but the second verse is amazing. Brilliant!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 16, 2014

      Hi Rajesh

      what is daku?

      Thanks a ton! I am really so glad that you liked the verses :D

      Delete
  5. SGJune 16, 2014

    Nice poem Loved reading it. However, a small suggestion. The "rule" for Haiku is 3 sentences with 5-7-5 in syllables for that. First sentence 5 syllables, second sentence 7 syllables, and third sentence 5 syllables.

    Your first para has 6-8-6 and second para has 5-4-6 syllables. (May be if you go to www.wordcalc.com, it will help you calculate the syllables for each word/each sentence,.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 16, 2014

      Hi SG

      Thanks a lot for liking the poems as well as for correcting them :)
      That's my first attempt and in future I will take utmost care of the Haiku rule that you have mentioned! This link is really very helpful!

      Thanks again :)

      Delete
  6. VinodiniJune 16, 2014

    Beautifully written Ankita! Keep it going :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 16, 2014

      Hi Vinodini

      Thanks a lot for the lovely compliment :)

      Delete
  7. Red HandedJune 16, 2014

    I am terrible when it comes to poems and Haiku...but I liked whatI read.:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 16, 2014

      Hi Red

      Thanks ton! i am really happy you liked the poems :)

      Delete
  8. AnonymousJune 17, 2014

    If this is first attempt, then the future is dazzling. The lines are very short yet full of emotion for anyone who cares to think. Really impressive. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hi Anon

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked the poems :)

      Delete
  9. AathiraJune 17, 2014

    I've never tried my hand at Haiku. But I love what I see here! Good going, Ankita!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hi A

      Thanks a ton!
      I am really so happy you enjoyed the poems :)

      Delete
  10. SandhyaJune 17, 2014

    I don't know much about Haiku. But I liked the second one! It says a lot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hi Sandhya

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked the poems :)

      Delete
  11. BikramJune 17, 2014

    I have no idea what haiku is .. but to me the words create magic here .. especially the last saying how moon at least cares..

    Bikram

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hi Bikram

      Thanks a ton for such a wonderful complement ! I am really glad you liked the attempt!

      :D

      Delete
  12. Saru SinghalJune 17, 2014

    I don't know the art of writing haiku but yes, I loved the first one. They are lovely, you should write more often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hi Saru

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked the poems :D
      Thanks again for such a sweet motivation as well :)

      Delete
  13. VinatiJune 17, 2014

    First attempt?!! It is brilliant Ankita. :*

    Just a little bit of improvement in the structure and it's perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hi Mirage

      Thanks a lot dear!! :*
      I am really so happy that you liked them!

      Ya, now I will remember that 5-7-5 rule of Haiku :)

      Delete
  14. KParthasarathiJune 17, 2014

    I liked the second one very much.The first is nice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hello KP Sir

      Thanks a lot! I am really glad you liked them :)

      Delete
  15. Beloo MehraJune 17, 2014

    I don't know anything about Haiku writing, but what I feel is that your words create a lovely feel and make the reader connect with the image you are trying to express. That's a great thing, in my book at least :) Keep writing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 17, 2014

      Hi Beloo

      Thanks a lot for this wonderful compliment! I am really glad that the lines touched your heart :D

      Keep coming!!

      Delete
  16. MeghaJune 17, 2014

    Very nice and touching... 2nd one is deep..

    ReplyDelete
  17. Alka GurhaJune 18, 2014

    Sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Roshan YadavJune 18, 2014

    last three lines are awesome :))
    they own dark expressions of silence and grief :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 18, 2014

      Hi Roshan

      Thanks a ton! I am so happy that you loved these lines :)

      :D

      Delete
  19. ReshmaJune 19, 2014

    Two wonderful verses Ankita, just a bit of fine tuning will make them fit in the 5-7-5 syllable requirement of Haiku. Your words have brought out the sense of struggle and relief really well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 19, 2014

      Hi Reshma

      Thanks a lot! I will take care of this rule in future :)

      I am really so happy that you enjoyed the verses :)

      Delete
  20. Amrit SinhaJune 26, 2014

    Loved the reference to the moon ... beautiful verses :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita June 26, 2014

      Hi Amrit

      Thanks a ton :D
      I am really glad you loved the Haiku :)

      Delete
  21. UnknownJuly 05, 2014

    Your second Haiku is much better then the first.Japanese poetry, could we but write in that language we would use very simple words. No need for more important sounding words.Thus the beauty of your second Haiku Very fine indeed.

    Melanie
    bd
    http://www.beloved76.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ankita July 05, 2014

      Hi Melanie

      Thanks a lot for this wonderful tip! i will take care in future :)

      I am so glad that you liked the second Haiku!

      :)

      Delete

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