Title: Dear Zari
By:
Zarguna Kargar
Publisher: Vintage
ISBN: 978-0-099-54218-6
MRP: Rs 399/-
The first story is of the author
herself. She describes how despite being an educated and working girl, she was
trapped in a bad, violent and loveless marriage at the age of 21 and the kind of
shame and opposition she had to face when she decided to call it quits. Also, about
her life as a refugee in Peshawar (Pakistan).
All the stories will touch the reader
somewhere deep inside and I am sure most of us will stop cribbing about our
lives and families. These stories were telecast on the BBC’s show ‘Afghan
Hour’ that was, interestingly, produced by the author herself. I was surprised to know the limits of a woman's endurance. (pic: An afghan woman begs in Kabul)
Some of the stories moved my heart and
even made me cry, literally. The stories of Sharifa, author’s school friend in
Pakistan to Nasreen from Kabul show how the feelings of a girl hold no relevance
to the family and society. Both were married to much older men at a very young
age (early teenage). Other woman Shireenjan who was interviewed directly by the
author, was given away as a payment by her parents to settle a long standing family feud (Dukhmany). That ten
year old girl suffered more than most of us can even imagine. From being raped
to being forced to live with cattle, her life has been a hellish one. (Pic: an Afgan victim of domestic violence)
Afghan carpets are famous around the
world and are sold at exorbitant rates but have you ever wondered how much
darkness and suffocation lies behind that lovely design and embroidery. Samira
is one such little girl of nine years who lives in a shanty house in Shiberghan
province of Afghanistan. Her family is too poor to afford an education for her
so the whole day she weaves carpets along with her mother in a dusty room of
her small house. Her brother however, goes to school since her parents think he
will carry the family name forward unlike Samira. At this age, she is struggling
with health issues like cough, joint pains, body aches and headaches. Her life
is confined to that loom, many times bigger than her. (Pic: A little one weaves carpets)
Virginity is also quite overhyped in
Afghan society. As a custom, the bridegroom visits the bride’s family the next morning
with the white blood-stained hanky, as a gesture to thank them for
raising a cultured girl who has maintained her ‘purity’. Girls who do not bleed are often given quick ‘Talaq’,
branded as sluts or are ill treated by everyone around. Ilaha’s story is one
such that will make you wonder about the deep roots of this old and illogical
custom in Afghanistani society.
There are many other stories too that
makes us ponder about life and society. However, I would like to mention two
stories that I can never forget. One is of Layla and another is of Bakhtawara. Layla,
a war widow lost the rights of her children after the death of her husband and
is now working as a servant in her own house (her brother’s).
Bhaktawara, a Pashtun woman from Khost
province, has a sad and peculiar story. She was forced to act and dress like
men since she had had only one brother and her family needed the security of a ‘male’
to save their land from scheming relatives. She was not allowed to marry and instead
of colourful bangles, a heavy AK 47 gun now adorns her rough hands. Instead of
salwar kamiz, Bhaktawara dresses up like a Pathan man and is a part of the
village ‘Jirgah’ or ‘Panchayat’. She is the head of her family just as a man would
have been. However, there is another aspect of her life too. Whenever she goes out to her farm for work, on streets and especially on weddings and
local functions, she is often teased as ‘narkhazak’ or eunuch. Bhaktawara
ignores these dirty remarks she is now used to and carries on the duties of a
son as usual. Behind her brave front, there is a woman, who wants the care and
protection of a man, a mother who wants to bear her own kids, a girl who dreams
of her prince to arrive one day and ask for her hand in marriage. Sadly, she knows
that her destiny has been sealed and there is no option left but to kill all
her girlish dreams and bear this long painful life the way it is going. Unfortunately,
like many other girls forced to become the ‘son’ of their families, she too has
reached a point of no return.
This book reveals a lot about Afghan
traditions and culture particularly with reference to women. I applaud
Zarguna Kargar for presenting such a wonderful work.
(Pic: Zarguna Kargar)
I cannot agree more with author Khaled
Hosseini’s remark on this book
‘A poignant celebration of human
resilience’
